Bombay dreams

I love the feeling those two words put together invoke, because Bombay is really the city of dreams. Everyday thousands of people immigrate and somehow find nooks and cranny’s to settle and slide into- the city seems to have the qualities of a magic sponge, it just keeps soaking in a million hopes and dreams and bodies into its ever layering folds.

I never thought, frankly even until one full week ago, that I would consider jumping into this mad rush and fray.

I’ve always loved New Delhi, with its beautiful wide roads, its trees and parks and gardens. The feeling of space you get while driving down the toll or even in central Delhi.

I’ve always KNOWN where to go in this city: I know where to get my laptop fixed, I know where to buy the cheapest most exotic fabrics, I know the little pubs and dive’s which play live music. I know where to get my boots made, and my leather jackets tailored. Which art stores hold the best supplies and which malls charge what for parking on any given day of the week.

I know the managers at the clubs I like to frequent, we exchange pleasantries as I walk in at 2 AM, or 3…or 4…

I know where to go, if I’m in the mood for hip hop, trance, jazz or rock.

I know where I can buy dye pigment, and where all the 24/7’s are located. And which ‘paan walla’ is open past 12. Where I can eat after a solid night (morning) of clubbing…

I know the roads, and where I’l find the most traffic at what hour.

I know this city. Inside out. I’ve lived here most my life. Everywhere I go I run into people I know, even when I’m alone here, I’m really not.

But Mumbai…

I don’t anything! I have a handful of friends I’m counting on. I’m so fortunate my flatmates are friends too.

But I don’t even know where I can buy a toothbrush, let alone find a salon that knows how to trim my fringe just right!!

The job I’ve found is something I’ve always wanted to do- but Its in a field I don’t have all that much experience with. The streets are unfamiliar. Even the smell takes time to get used to.

Nobody knows me, I’m anonymous. And that’s both a very good thing and a very scary prospect…

In a month I’m going to be walking down new streets, with a new set of keys and new job to tackle. There will be nights I sit by the sea wondering what the hell I was thinking leaving my entire existence behind on a whim, and hours spent lost on the road with no idea how to get home!

I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared. But that’s what makes me want to make this move happen. The fear and uncertainty- it is true we only feel the most alive when we are on the cusp of something stupid and reckless…

My decision came as an epiphany on Saturday the 27^th of November ’10. as I sat thinking in the train on my way to the Ajmer Sharif Dargah. I pondered the stagnant security of my life. And the fact that you’re only young as long as you can take a risk and live with a decision. And so I decided to move.

Within a week I now have an apartment, I have a job. The decision snowballed in such a direction that I now have made peace with my parents. A miracle in itself!

I will miss my home with its beautiful garden, its large clear windows with the sunlight streaming in and the memories on its porch. Christmas at home setting up our tree with mom, watching the evening light filter through the trees, and the parrots that loved to eat at the banquet that is my mom’s bird-bath and feeder.

I’m going to miss my own little rented room with its fairy lights and air of great love and great heartbreak. When did it change from a bed and breakfast to home? When did the bed become comfortable, and the walls- familiar?

I will miss my parents of course, just as we’ve started to reconcile. But I hope this move will only help cement our relationship…

and I will miss, I will really really miss my doggy Gia. She has grown up in my arms, and the thought of not being able to see her a couple of times a week is almost unbearable.

I will miss my friends. So much. They have supported me in ways I cannot explain. But I know they aren’t going anywhere, cause I wont let them!

Delhi is like a warm comfortable bed in the dead of winter, where I’m tucked in with a book and a cup of tea. So content. And so inert!

And Bombay- right now, Bombay is like a new relationship. Its fresh, its new and exciting. A bit scary and thrilling and you have no idea where the ride going to take you-

But I’m on, baby. I’ve bought my ticket and wrapped up my loose ends. And I know without a doubt, that my life will never, be the same again.